Oh my god will I be happy when this is all over. One more week... just keep telling myself... one more week... one more week and I will be in my appartment. One more week or less after that and I should be all unpacked and settled in... so... two more weeks.... two more weeks...

I cant hardly wait.. Paul threw the first petty nasty stone last night since we broke up. It really took me by surprize, I thought we would make it through this transition without any of that nastiness.. now I have to stress the rest of the week wondering what else he will do. Fug.

I spent most last night packing packing packing- I work tonight, so then that leaves friday night to finish the packing. Cause saturday morning I have a small troop of volunteers to help me. My sister, Jenni and possibly one of my uncles.. just gonna get everything moved we possibly can. Then tuesday and wednesday I work both jobs.

Thursday is actually the first and my other uncle has said he can help me get my bed over there- thats the night I will take the cats too and sleep there. Then friday I will go back to pauls and clean and get the fish tank moved.. or saturday- depends. ugg.

Im so broke. Took a lot to get the appartment. I need my taxes done so I can buy a couch and a kitchen table and curtains etc. Hopefully I can get that done this month. Being couchless will suck.. I have a rocking chair and a foot stool.. that will have to suffice.

I sold everything to move in with him. God im stupid. I should have stayed in the house with all my stuff and just dated him until I realized what a waste of time it was. But no.. had to jump.. had to leap.. had to hope. Stupid girl.

And then in my weakest moments... outside last night smokeing.. crying.. stressing.. what do I get to look at.. bunny tracks- everywhere. One more link I dont need. I will say though that the constant bawling that I have come to be so fluent in has started to fade. As if im too tired to cry or something.. just a few uncontrollable ones and then silence and stareing.. attempts at holding it in? or just a new way of being? not sure. not sure.