And here we are, Christmas is over -thank whoever. What did I get? What did you get? Stuff. More stuff we most likely didn't really need. Want and need, happiness and pleasure. Sometimes its hard to know.

I got some perfume, a batman lamp and a shot glass tic-tac-toe game. Then I took it all home and added it to my collection of crap. Crap I don't need but don't want to be without, because having more crap then we did yesterday makes us feel better.

Ok, so, what did you do? Did you spend quality time singing carols round the tree with your family, bonding and loving one another? Or did you have a normal family get together? Ya know, the one where the men watch football and belch a lot, the women sit in the kitchen bitching a lot and Aunty Bertha needs a ride home cause she drank a lot? I know the football fans will hate me for this, but really, I think it should be against the law to even broadcast any television programming on Christmas. Not because I am Christian, and not because I am even much of a holiday fan. But just for fucks sake, you get your whole family together, some of them that you probley only see one day a year- and then sit staring at the tv together. Its just awful.

But now ask me how my Christmas was and I am supposed to say it was great. Well, it wasn't. Ya, I got a bunch of stuff that I would never buy for myself, and I sat in the kitchen bitching with the rest of em. But otherwise, my holiday this year was about hiding in the bathroom so that my family wouldn't ask me why I was crying. And drinking more wine then I should so that I wouldn't have to ask myself the same question. And then remembering that this is how last Christmas was, and the one before that. And then remembering that you got through it by telling yourself next year would be better. But isn't that part of the problem. Always accepting our problems on the basis that it is going to get better if we just do this, get that or screw them. Well its not people.

In truth the things that will really make you happy, really make your life any better; are things based on luck. Absolute luck.

-Health?-, do what ever they tell you to, run 10 miles a day- the sun will get cha for skin cancer. Oh, put sunblock on- ya, then the chemicals in that will get ya. Never touch red meat or whiskey- and some fucking fly from some damned country will bite you and your flesh will fall off. Health is all luck. You can increase your odds, but its still luck.

-Love?- just as random and just as unattainable through tangible efforts.

So, we stick to what we can get, even when we know it doesnt bring us happiness, just momentary pleasure. More crap.

The holidays.... time to buy meaningless crap for people to show them that you love them while you sit staring at the tv together and reflecting on everything that makes your life not what you want it to be this year, last year and most likely next year. Bah fucking hum bug.