Each time I feel a moment of happy with what is growing between me and Mark, I feel as though I betray myself. Like I am cheating on my own heart.

What does this fool inside me want me to do? To live in tears and pain forever, missing that which I will never have again. Or move on, let go and find a way to be happy with someone else.

I think I am crying because to do this, I must give up, for real, in my heart. Something that I had not done yet. I had been boldly going about as if I had. But his coin sits in my wallet still, his pictures never out of reach, his words... I still dream so much foolishness. To survive, I must move on.

But how do you learn to see by the light of a candle, when you once held a star in your hands?