It happened again this weekend. On Saturday, at the gas station of all places. My grandmother needed a ride there and I was waiting in the van for her. Just like the other times, it came over me without warning or prompting by any other thoughts. And I tried my best to hold onto it for the rest of the weekend. But it was like trying to remember a dream in the afternoon. So faint and flat- nothing to really grab hold of. So, you just bask in what little is left until its gone and youre left waiting for the next time.

It is beyond loveing kindness or good will towards men sort of thing. Its love. Love for everyone or maybe its more like a connection to everyone- but so much more than that- like I was everyone. I dont know how to explain it really. But it's amazing everytime. This is the 3rd or 4th time. I say that because the first was a bit different and I dont know if it was quite the same thing- plus it was near 15 years ago. All the rest have been in the past year.

If I could find a way to hold onto the feeling, aggggg! There are no words for what I felt. Just absolutly amazing and wonderful. Nothing could take the smile off my face and everything was somehow more. The sun was more. The breeze- everything. - I was more. I could feel everyone. I dont know, I cant explain it. Like a sudden awareness of everyone around me, everyone all at once. And by awareness I dont mean sitting there and thinking about the fact that we are all one and have the same desires and fears- but all at once to know it through and through and feel it like you feel your toes.

I know youre thinking that I am loseing my mind- but in truth I think I am just starting to find it and so much more.