In my endeavor to become more batmanish, it has occurred to me that I need an Alfred. Well, being that I am uncomfortable with old people and robots, this burden has fallen upon my house mate of 12 years; Scruffy the Cat.

He has agreed to the renaming but there were many details we had to work out and the negotiation process was long. So with sweat stained brows we both finally agreed upon these terms...

He who was once called Scruffy shall be renamed officially as Alfred with the exceptions and clarifications as follows:

1. Guests of the manor that already know, the cat formerly know as Scruffy, will be politely informed upon their next visit of the change but not be required to call him by the name of Alfred if they prefer Scruffy.

2. New guests of the manor will never know of the cat formerly know as Scruffy's original name and only be given the name Alfred. Should the name "Scruffy" slip out at anytime we have agreed our explanation will be that "Scruffy" the cat passed away in 1992 ina horid boating incident but sometimes takes demonic possession of Alfred.

3. Catdishes will be re-painted with the name Alfred.

4. The vet will not receive the new name for fear of a loss of the cat formerly know as Scruffy's medical records . As such, I am to call him Scruffy in the presence of all veterinarian staff.

5. The new name of Alfred is to be used when calling the cat formerly know as Scruffy, for feeding time or location confirmations.

6. The new name of Alfred shall be used for all scolding, curseing and bitching done in the direction of the cat formerly know as Scruffy.

7. However, the original name of Scruffy must be used in any praise, cooing or endearments. Unless of corse, in the presence of guests to the manor.