Last night we had an aweful storm go through. Hail, wind, rain, all that and my power went out. I was a bit scared because with just moving in and all a mess I couldnt find any candles. SO, I found a flash light from my van and sat there for an hour or so watching the storm.

After my lights came back, I got a ton more done on the living room and kitchen. I cant do too much more until I get the new tile down in the bathroom, right now its all tore up to the subflooring. But I dont want to start on it until this weekend.

I almost went to check on my nice neighbors (whos names are totally gone from my noggin) but then I saw the husband come out front and look at the sky so I figured they must be ok.

I kind of wish I had some people closer to my age near me so that I could make friends out there. I should venture out walking with Podunk round the neighborhood and see if there is anyone under 70 near me.

I dont know why but I have been terribly down for a couple of days now again. I was crying on and off at work all day yesturday. And I spent the storm writeing about it all. I dont know. I just need to keep telling myself that it will pass. Things have to go up, they just have to. I should be happy right now though. I just got my house and all. Maybe thats it. I shouldnt be here. I shouldnt be in that house. I am so very afraid that my fate went on a coffee break and hasnt noticed that I have been dangleing at the end of this string for a year now. She never should have turned her back you know, I cant be left alone like that, I always screw everything up. Im rambling now, fuck you, thats what this diary is for. To empty my head. Drain the bouncy shit. Agggg, I guess I should stop.