Hows that for a title!

Well, its because I am a lable peeler. Meaning that when I get nervous or listless and happen to have any sort of bottled beverage in my hand- I pick and peel at the lable until not just all the paper is gone- but the gluey stuff too making one big mess.

Now this is normally not a significant issue. Provides fuel for the fire in the ashtray and allows me to drink freely without actively promoting a brand name.

However, I will say that you should never engage in this activity whilst bathing. Last night, as I relaxed in my tub, I mindlessly stripped the paper from my beer. Apparently, some of the bits of propaganda fell in the water with me. One of these said bits also, apparently, settled to the bottom of the vessel and upon removing myself from the water- attached and dried itself to my right ass cheek.

Then all day at work, everytime I sat down or leaned on something I felt this irritation and presumed I was developing a rather nasty pimple.

However, once I arrived home and changed into something more comfortable I found not a monsterous eruption but a rather large chunk of dried paper stuck to my arse.

All I could think was- what if I had sex prior to finding that- how strange would someone think it to find a scrap of foiled paper dried to their partners ass. I dont know why I thought this because during sex my husband is like a hamster running in a wheel. He is focused and determined- but not at all attentive or very aware.

Never again will I engage in peeling whilst unclothed!